The day I snuck into a closet at Barnes & Noble

Before we begin my closet story, I want to thank Debbie M. with McCormick Madness for re-posting my "Did This Old Mother Just Commit A Crime?" on her blog today.  I also want to thank Kris from Pretty All True for discussing my blog on hers and being inspired to writing the lovely post "Loved Into Being" about Mister Rogers after reading my post,"5 Reasons Why Mister Rogers Stressed Me Out". 
_____________________________________________________________________________

I don't often tell stories on my blog, but I just HAVE to share this one.

After I picked up my 6-year-old from school the other day, I told him that we were going to the mall to get his dad a birthday present.  He didn't want to go.  At all.  He said the mall was boring and he wanted to go home to watch Phineas & Ferb.  We went anyway.

I wish I would've just listened to him.

Before setting out to get my husband a birthday present, I took the boys (6 & 2) to the Starbucks inside of Barnes & Noble for some hot chocolate.  My 2-year-old also LOVES playing with the Thomas the Train table in the kids' area.  The plan was to drink our hot chocolate, go upstairs to play trains and pick out a couple of books before officially shopping while skipping, whistling and holding hands.  When we got there, I was all smiles as I lovingly ushered my sons through the line where I allowed them to pick out a little brownie to go with their drinks.

After possibly stealing a chair from the man who spoke no English (I couldn't tell if he was telling me to take it or to fall down a gutter) and adding it to the two-chaired table where my sons sat, we began talking about our day while sipping our hot chocolate and Chai Tea Latte.  I am sure I offered lots of wise advice and made my sons giggle.  Just as I was about to have them recite the entire Periodic Table by heart, my 6-year-old said, "I gotta go pee pee".

Dang it.

Thinking that the restroom was right around the corner, I let them both carry their hot chocolate with them.  We waddled through the other tables like a mother duck and her two ducklings when...















SPLAT!!!!


My 2-year-old dropped his full hot chocolate all over the floor.  A businessman jumped away from the mess as if a bomb had exploded.  I apologized to him profusely while checking to make sure his nice wool pants weren't dripping with my son's hot beverage.  They weren't, thank the Lord.

Trying to deal with this as calmly as possible, I just sighed heavily with an apologetic look being offered to all of the retirees sitting around, directed my children back to the counter and informed the barista that there was a Lake Erie-sized brown puddle in the middle of all of the tables.  Following right behind me was an older lady in open-toed sandals and hose with my son's empty cup.
"Ma'am, could you please get this little boy some more hot chocolate?," she asked the barista.  "The poor thing just dropped his and needs some more".
"Oh, no", I told Open-Toed-Sandals-With-Hose.  "He doesn't need anymore.  He'll just drop it again".
"Oh, no, he won't either!  Don't say that about your little boy," she chastised me.  She then bent over to speak to my son in a sweet tone, "We all make mistakes.  When adults put on their coats, sometimes they'll knock something over and just make a mess.  We all make mistakes".

I felt this small.  What type of mother doesn't give her child a second chance?  So, little dude got another hot chocolate.  Meanwhile, my 6-year-old acted like he had just finished off an above-ground pool-sized glass of water and was about to explode like a fire hydrant right there.  I took my 2-year-old's hot chocolate in one hand and held my Chai Tea Latte in the other and we scurried off to the bathroom...upstairs.  I thought it was around the corner, but I was absolutely mistaken.

As we were getting off the elevator, my 6-year-old says to the little dude,
"You hold my hot chocolate.  I need to go pee pee". 
I opened my mouth to tell my 6-year-old to hold his own drink, but Just-Swallowed-An-Above-Ground-Pool-Sized-Glass-of-Water disappeared like the Tasmanian Devil in his tornado state through the bathroom door.  My hands were full, so I just prayed the little dude would grip the cup right.  We slowly walked through the books toward the bathroom.  If you had glanced at us right then, you might've thought we were standing still.  As we rounded the corner to the bathroom FIVE YEARS LATER...















SPLAT!!!!!!

He dropped my 6-year-old's hot chocolate all over the floor. 

By this time, my oldest had finished his business and came out to see the mess.  He immediately went back into the bathroom with my 2-year-old right behind him to get paper towels.  Both of them came right back out with a single paper towel each and started trying to mop up the Lake Michigan-sized brown puddle.  Thankfully, the brown lake was right beside the utility closet.  I didn't want to bother the Starbucks people AGAIN, so I snuck in the closet and got a mop.  Mops don't work great when they are totally dry and stiff, but...I did my best to mop it up.  Actually, I just smeared it everywhere while wailing and ululating at the top of my lungs. 

We then make our way over to the train table.  I let them play for a little while.  My 6-year-old then asked for a book.  A Star Wars book.  ALL HE EVER WANTS ARE STAR WARS BOOKS.  I told him he had to get another type of book, too.  He couldn't find anything else he wanted, so I picked out the bucket book up there.  The basic theme of the book is that we all have "buckets" over our heads.  We fill others' buckets up with nice words and actions.  Our buckets are emptied when people are not kind to us or say things like, "He doesn't deserve hot chocolate.  He'll just spill it again".  When we are kind to others, our buckets become more full while we help fill the other person's buckets at the same time.  I thought it was an appropriate book for the type of day we were having.  After deciding we were going to buy that book and a book about Princess Amidala, I told the boys we had to go to check out, because, for crying out loud, we still had not bought their dad a birthday present yet.

Just after I swiped my credit card at the check-out counter, the 2-year-old darts off out the door.  I sent my 6-year-old after him.  He basically tackled him in the atrium area of the bookstore.  They're being loud. I'm stressing out.  The bucket  over my head was spilling out and soaking my hair.  In the middle of this chaos...

















SPLAT!!!

I spilled my Chai Tea Latte right beside the credit card machine. 




54 comments:

Saimi said... [Reply]

Hahaha...Yeah, I'm laughing hysterically right about now....Not to worry, we all make mistakes...haha, sorry I can't stop laughing..Not to get confused I'm not laughing AT you just at the whole story in general....Great post!

Megan (Best of Fates) said... [Reply]

SPLAT is a fantastic sound effect. Though this story would still be hilarious without it.

Kate said... [Reply]

Ohhhh, yes. Isn't that how it goes?

"Our buckets are emptied when people are not kind to us or say things like, 'He doesn't deserve hot chocolate. He'll just spill it again.'" lol

Your mommy bucket may have sprung a leak, but your blogger bucket, I'm thinking, will be full to the brim. :)

XLMIC said... [Reply]

A full bucket is just soooooo heavy to lug around ;-)

I have days like that all the time...

I was totally laughing at you... I mean, at your story!

Oilfield Trash said... [Reply]

Wow that is hilarious. Here I was thinking that I was the only one who did that.

The B&N on the Beltway in Pasadena will no longer allow me to buy a drink there as I always end up spilling a pile of books and a coffee at the same time.

Oilfield Trash said... [Reply]

Oh and after seeing the Phineas & Ferb reference, all I am saying is "whatcha doing?".

Glen said... [Reply]

ah horrendous - it is just a nightmare when you wind up in the spilling zone like that - this is why God invented the Creche

Jennifer said... [Reply]

This is exactly the way it goes. Never sweet and fun and full of cool memories the way it is in our head. Just splat and frustration and tackling in the atrium. But I have to say you totally left out the part where the 2yo becomes a whiny, sobbing mess when he spills his hot chocolate everywhere and then the 6yo gets mad at him and calls him a name when he finds out that his was spilled too.

Sue said... [Reply]

...and then you all skipped home, holding hands.

The End.

xo

Monkey Man said... [Reply]

So you're the mother who let's her toddler walk around with a full cup of whatever. That's why the invented sippy cups, ya know. Or tippy cups or whatever they call them these days. Oh and by the way, they also make those adult size non-spill cups too. Maybe you should look into one. Well, I gotta go. There's an elderly woman here in the coffe shop wearing open toed sandals and hose that needs a good kick in the shins.

ajm said... [Reply]

Those are the days I'd like to throw my bucket at someone's head. And then I'd rebuild my bucket with chocolate.

kmcaffee said... [Reply]

Oy. I'm sweating just reading this!! I would so do something just like this as well, in fact I have about a million times! Eating humble pie is really awful isn't it! Sorry you had such a crummy time!

Kelley said... [Reply]

@Monkey Man, we ALL had lids on our drinks. Lids are worth JACK SQUAT when you drop a paper cup on a hard floor. :)

Yvonne said... [Reply]

bahahaha! i'm not laughing with you, i'm laughing at you! :) that was a funny story. i'm sure barnes and noble has you and your sons pictures posted somewhere with a warning label that reads "armed and dangerous"! ;)

Melissa E said... [Reply]

Oh my! That reminds me of a time I went to a nice restaurant and B spilled his drink on the couple sitting next to us, not once, but twice, so embarrassing...did I mention B is my hubby, a grown man who can't manage to sit at a table without spilling something? I am curious as to what the Barnes and Noble employees will think when they find the mop you stashed!

Kristina P. said... [Reply]

My sister did something almost exactly like this with my nephew!

And that women behind you? I would not have been happy that she was usurping your parenting authority.

Crown'd Vic said... [Reply]

oh lawdy, I've been there... except without the kids... just generally saying one thing about someone and then going and doing it myself.
yes, yes indeed - it happens to the best of us!

Gigi said... [Reply]

Oh My God, I cannot believe that lady butted into your parenting moment and insisted on your kid having another hot cocoa.

Meddler.

I'm very impressed with your use of the word "ululating." Do you use that word in regular conversation?

Heidi said... [Reply]

Sigh....days like the one you had make me wish real hard for the "Fairly Oddparents" wand wave-action and a loud "DO OVER"!
Hope tomorrow is better for you. And, happy birthday to your hubby. :o)

ISRAEL CARRASCO said... [Reply]

SPLAT reminds me of the old Bat Man sound effects like BONK, POW...

Eliza said... [Reply]

Ooooohhh no. You are way kinder than I am to people who solicit kid advice to me while having no kids in tow themselves.
Can I interest you in my Go-Go Gadget Shark Mop. You only need to carry 37 C batteries with you.

TS Hendrik said... [Reply]

That is a sad sad story. Should've stayed and watched Phineas and Ferb. I love that show.

Oilfield Trash said... [Reply]

Hey Kelley, you have a blog award on my blog Tuesday morning.

PAMO said... [Reply]

A GREAT post! Loved every word of it.

Mom to 2 Posh Lil Divas said... [Reply]

Oh my how I love your blog! I simply have not stooped laughing - the hubby actually had to come check on what I was doing as I was trying to hide the snorts err, I mean giggles! :)

I have so had this kind of moment - but the way you describe it just beats all!

Happily following your blog & can't wait to see what else comes along!

Bernadette
http://momto2poshlildivas.blogspot.com

Kimberly said... [Reply]

I love your stories. I really really do! They are so much like the way my life goes. This one reminds me of the time I took my kids to a Breakfast with Santa and my then four year old kicked over my coffee three times while we waited in line to see Santa. By the third time, I grabbed his hand with my right, the stroller that held his little brother with my left, and seriously STOMPED out the door with him wailing the whole way.

Glad he's 14 now. Maybe he's forgiven me by now?

The mad woman behind the blog said... [Reply]

Note to self: when meeting Kelley, galoshes would be totally appropriate.
We had our first open house yesterday. One hour prior my daughter dropped her FULL cup of milk all over our sofa and carpet. And yeah, it was the good side of the sofa cushion.
And then tonight, I did it.
Galoshes all around!

Carri said... [Reply]

ARE YOU SERIOUS?! hahahahahaha You poor thing. I bet you're so glad today is over!
PS. No more chai tea lattes for you. You'll just drop it again!

Jen said... [Reply]

I seriously would have RAN after the first splat. And I know very well how a 6yo can tackle their sibling. Thank goodness for the help.

The Twin Spin said... [Reply]

All I can envision is you trying to desperately mop up the mess and howling like a banshee. Glad I got a good laugh in before going to bed! And new word I can use to make others feel dumb. "You don't know what ULULATE means????"

PartlySunny said... [Reply]

I'd love to be a fly on the wall when someone discovers the mop and swirly brown floor. ("WTF? We are NEVER selling drinks to those people again. . .")

Laura said... [Reply]

Cracking up!!!! Three drinks in one outing...that's impressive. (We all put the wrong words in the bucket sometimes. It's okay!)

Copyboy said... [Reply]

SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! Now I'm peeing in my pants. BTW...I'm curious why you went with Michigan and not Erie or Ontario. Those would've been my choices. Thanks for the smile at your expense. :)

Raquel's World said... [Reply]

My fav post by you yet! This was sooo relatable. My daughter was a bit short with a classmate at preschool the other morning and I had a lil chat with her. Then her teacher had a lil chat with me and told me that MJ is entitled to have a bad morning and I shouldn't make her socialize when she doesn't want too. Huh?

Yup I got a lil talking to just like that lady with the hose did to you. But see what the hell do they know? You knew best...he DID drop it again didn't he? And where was Lil Miss Hosey then, huh?

I saw that coming a a mile away. I did not however see you dropping yours. Which is my fav drink so I am now mourning the loss of the Chai Latte.

SoMo Mom said... [Reply]

Love those days that make you laugh (many) weeks later! You may want to stay incognito next time you head to B&N to avoid whispers & stares. Read this ... you'll TOTALLY relate ... seriously funny lady!
http://themeanestmom.blogspot.com/2011/01/pillow-talk.html

KLZ said... [Reply]

Are you sure you're not me? Because I would have done the same.

Actually, I probably would have been the first one to spill.

vickilikesfrogs said... [Reply]

Ah, don'tcha just love how it always happens in threes???

And that nosy heifer should keep her nose on her face where it belongs and out of your business! Shoulda hit her with your bucket!

Cluttered Brain said... [Reply]

Ugh. That stinks.
But makes for a funny blog post.
4 times a SPLAT is a charm? I bet those Starbucks employees were glad to see you leave....lol.
Thanks for sharing!
laughing WITH you...no at you....lol.

Lightning Bug's Butt said... [Reply]

How Full Is Your Bucket? My God -- I had this presented to me at work. PS, I don't work for a nursery school!

Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him said... [Reply]

I realize you shine at the 'proprietary' fun you've invented on your site with all your brilliance (since you had to go be an inventor and a writer!), but a good ole story from you is top notch too.

Spilling in public is maybe the only thing that stresses me out as a parent. Well, and the time Eve pooped on the floor of the museum.

Shell said... [Reply]

Oh, I'm laughing b/c this would so happen to me...and then I'd burst into tears.

Kate said... [Reply]

If you're getting to the gym regularly, you're sooo ahead of me. I'm only there occasionally and usually cursing the evil treadmill. Btw, when I started running last Feb it almost killed me to run 60 seconds straight. If you're wanting to run, I highly recommend couch to 5k!

julie said... [Reply]

I'm glad (apologies ahead of time) I'm not the only one to whom crap like this happens.

Three times.

You are hysterical.

Thanks for sharing this moment because REALLY it could happen to me, too.

Three times.

Katie said... [Reply]

Couple things:
The authors of that series of books came to my son's school last year and came into our store to sell us this series of books. My Son STILL talks about how I've emptied his bucket on way or another (usually by saying he can't have ice cream for breakfast). It's a very catchy concept, those buckets.
Second, I don't even consider the day completed until 2/3 of my family members have spilled, broken, dropped, ruined, crushed or wrecked something in some way.
That's just how we roll.

Leighann said... [Reply]

this is great!
How DOES a mother tell a know-it-all busy body to mind their own business? Maybe she should have been responsible for cleaning up the second spill.. ooohhh in a perfect world.

Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds said... [Reply]

If you put less in your bucket it will be easier to keep from spilling it!

That's all the advice I have for today.

You poor thing. Next time will be better. Actually, I can't promise that. I hope next time is better!

MommaKiss said... [Reply]

For REAL, I'm dying over here. SO needed that damn laugh. A spaltty laugh.

pennyjars said... [Reply]

Oh damn, I'm crying.

Jeff said... [Reply]

Sounds like a rough day. How it brings back memories of when my kids were that small. I am glad you were not telling it to my face because it would be hard not to crack a smile.

DaddysFishBowl said... [Reply]

This was hilarious! I loved it, I can definitely sympathize with you. Rustling around 2 boys can drain any shopping experience.

I truly loved the Splats!!!

My 3yr old loves those thomas the train tables at BnN as well. We have the hardest time breaking him away from them.

SamanthaD said... [Reply]

I'm sorry...but holy shit that was funny.

The Flying Chalupa said... [Reply]

First off, congrats on the Pretty All True dealyo - yay! Second, that sounds like the worst trip to Barnes & Noble EVER. As I'm learning, doing anything that involves beverages and two year olds does NOT end well.

That being said, if you made it out alive and unscalded with a birthday present for the husband, I say it was a success.

Cheeseboy said... [Reply]

Perhaps you should just duct tape your family's hands to their drinks?

That is great about the kind old lady. I don't think I'd ever have the balls to do or say that to someone else and their kid, but old ladies can get away with crap like that.

Look at this - - you are in the 50's for comments. I need to up my game.

Rebecca said... [Reply]

What a great story (for those of us, you know, not having to actually LIVE it)... and how delightful is it to see the word "ululating" used (correctly in every respect) in a blog post??? We don't get that kind of quality vocabulary flexing on the intertubes every day, nosirree!

Post a Comment

Comments make me feel like I'm not talking to the wall. Don't get me wrong. I love talking to walls. Some of my best friends are walls. Still, I like hearing from you, so thanks!

Newer Posts Older Posts Home