THE “CLEAVUMBS” CATCHER: A Solution for Your Cleavage Crumb Collection

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I was going to wait until Wednesday to announce the Captcha Balderdash winner, but I changed my mind…for various reasons that would bore you to tears.  Anyway, Ricky Gervais is set to arrive at the Break Room any minute now.  He had a busy night at the Golden Globes last night but agreed to come over here to hand out ONE more award.  I told him that I’d pay him 3 million (grains of sand) to do it.  I don’t think he heard the “grains of sand” part.  I actually didn’t say that part out loud.

KNOCK!  KNOCK!

(Opens door to the Break Room)

ME: RICKY!!! You’re here already!! Wow. You actually showed up. This is AWESOME!! I am soooooooo excited!!  When we’re done with this whole awards thingy, can we talk for hours on end about the British version of The Office? You know…the ORIGINAL Office. 

RICKY: “Alright, that’ll be enough.  I need to be going soon.  Ahem.  Ello, everybah-eh.  You all look absolutely splendid.  I don’t hahv much time to bay hanging ’round this sih-ee blog, but Karley said she’d pay me handsomely for my time.  Three mih-in dah-ahs, right, lass?

Me: Ummm…It’s Kelley and I actually meant grains of sand.  Three milliongrainsofsand.

RICKY: Did you just say THREE MILLION GRAINS OF SAND???  I am not bluh-ee believing this rubbish.  I want to bluh-ee give you a bluh-ee nose.  I want to bluh-ee make your bluh-ee face all bluh-ee.  After I’m bluh-ee finished, I’ll drink a bluh-ee Bluh-ee Mary and another bluh-ee Bluh-ee Mary and another bluh-ee Bluh-ee Mary because I’ll be so bluh-ee agitay-ed from giving you a bluh-ee nose for being so bluh-ee stupid.  Actually, I’m knackered just bluh-ee thinking about the whole bluh-ee ordeal.  I need to take a bluh-ee nap now.  FAREWELL!

Oh, well.  Good riddance, Ricky!  Actually, I am very excited to be the emcee of this award show because I get to be the one to let you know that the very clear crowd favorite was none other than….

Kristen  from Fine, How Are You? 

Although you are all winners in my book, Kristen’s definition for CLEAVUMBS received the most votes.  This is not hard to believe as Kristen is seriously a funny, funny lady.  I love catching up with her life via her fun, light-hearted blog (find it by clicking HERE). She defined “cleavumbs” this way:





It is in the same word family as Toe Jam, Belly Button Lint, Boogers and Sand in the eye. Cleavumbs are when you remove your bra and pieces of lunch, cookie crumbs, sweater fuzz, backs to your earrings, bobby pins, etc. come tumbling out. It is accentuated by ample cleavage.


The Cleavumbs Catcher Size XXXXXXXXL





Think of this…in your bra.  Nice, right?



I seriously think Kristen should go ahead and let me go into business with her to develop…“The Cleavumbs Catcher”.  This device is basically a little tray that is inserted right in the middle of your bra.  Stick with me here.  Think of the tray that sits at the bottom of your toaster to catch all of the bread and Pop Tarts crumbs.  Now, ladies, think of a more comfortable version of the toaster tray…in the middle of your bra.  At the end of the day, you slide that try out and either throw all lunch crumbs, sweater fuzz, earring backs and bobby pins away or collect it all in a huge Ziploc bag to sort through later.  Some of your cleavumbs can even be saved for a trail mix.  Sounds awesome, huh?



 Want one??

(Congratulations, Kristen!)




 

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