Kelley’s Break Room presents…
“Unappreciated Ladies of Industry”
(Unappreciated Ladies of Induuuuusstreeee-eeee!!!)
Today we salute, YOU, Ms. Santa’s-Workshop-in-the-Mall-Photo-Taker.
You hit snooze…for the 13th time…because, frankly, you aren’t looking forward to a day at the mall with fat & fake Santa…and allllllllllllllll of those kids and their high maintenance, tight-wad parents. So, you sloooooooooooowly put on your blasted elf costume because you know if you wore what you REALLY wanted (your jeggings and your Uggs), Santa would most certainly give you the stink-eye.
(I think Santa’s aboooo-oooout to hiiiii-iiiit me!!)
Since you just witnessed fresh-from-the-local-Denny’s-BOB JENKINS, who has been growing out his beard all year for this gig, waddling into the mall’s dressing room in his navy blue coveralls and John Deere hat and emerging as “Santa Claus” on your way into the mall this morning, your motivation to encourage children to rattle off their Christmas lists slides riiiiiiiiiiiight into the crapper.
You do your best to plaster a smile across your face as you help Santa settle into his huge wooden throne while eyeing the six-mile-long-line that snakes around large potted plants, between huge kiosks with vultures trying to sell nail buffers, hair straighteners and smoke-free cigarettes and right past Auntie Anne’s Pretzels filled with crying children. Children that sound like newborn pterodactyls hatching from their eggs or perhaps like kids all with diapers made out of a combination of steel wool and crushed glass. CHILDREN THAT YOU HAVE TO MAKE SMILE. But, you’re up for the challenge with your WONKA-WONKA clown horn because you know that smiles means more money from picture sales...and more money toward that iPad you’ve been salivating over at the Apple Store.
So, crack open a new set of photo package brochures, Ms. Paparazzi of the Mall, and know that you’re the REAL reason we end up buying any pictures at all of our screaming children.