Yep, I’m giving up this blog…and starting a BOG.
|Tollund man lived in the 4th century A.D.
I have purchased an extremely large tract of land in the least populated part of town and have recreated the bogs found in places like Denmark and Ireland (see the before & after pictures below). In some bogs in Northern Europe, bodies have been found, like Tollund Man on the right, that have been preserved for HUNDREDS and HUNDREDS and HUNDREDS of years.
A bog is made of decomposed plant material and highly acidic water. Apparently, bodies are preserved because the tissue in a cold, restrictive environment impedes water circulation and oxygenation…and this somehow preserves the body, turns hair red and preserves leather, as well.
|How one of the bog ladies may have looked…
It ain’t been easy conquering this lifelong bog-creating dream of mine. Ain’t no two ways about it, friend! All I’ve done for the last two years is DIG, DIG, DIG and DIG, DIG, DIG and DIG, DIG, DIG some more. BUT, I feel it is worth it as I feel it is HIGH TIME to have an alternative to the casket and the urn, friends. HIGH TIME. Dream with me for a minute. Just think…in a bog, you have the option of being preserved for CENTURIES for others to admire. Just think, your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandson can come to visit you and see your actual face in 6410! Can you think of anything BETTER?? We here at Bogger (the name of my new company) want your personality to be appreciated by your kinfolk and visitors for CENTURIES to come.
My land before & after the bog transformation:
Soooooooo….how do you want to be remembered? Remember, you may only have but one chance to communicate your take on life and your love of freedom to your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandson and his kids and their kids and their kids and their kids and their kids and their kids and their kids… MAKE IT COUNT. Here at Bogger, we aim to make this decision-making process as easy as possible by giving you some options. Peruse these Presidents and decide how YOU want to be remembered in 6410.
Oh, and don’t worry about all the nitty-gritty details about how we’ll arrange your hands this way or that. Just know that you will be treated with the utmost care and respect.
What type of person do you want be in 3,000 years?
Option #1: THE PEACEMAKER
Option #2: THE SURFER
Option #3: THE WAVER
Option #4: THE THUMB UPPER
If you respond within the next 10 minutes, we will sell you a section of the bog for the convenient price of $1,567,235 that can be made in 12 easy monthly installments, but YOU GOTTA ACT FAST!
What’s it gonna be?
ADDENDUM: In follow up to Monkey Man’s comment below, yes, I know that Tollund Man and, in fact, probably all of the bog people were actually murdered and offered as human sacrifices, in all likelihood. I didn’t want to bring that up AS I AM TRYING TO SELL BOG PLOTS HERE!! We are offering a different, more uplifting, spin at Bogger and DO hope you join us…and will spread the word.