 |
| http://www.jesperdeleuran.dk/ |
What IS small talk? Small talk usually does not happen by choice and occurs many times with a stranger, a mere acquaintance or a friend you haven't seen in a long time. It also typically happens unexpectedly, in a very predictable way and around a set number of topics at places like the copy machine at work, while waiting for the dang Starbucks barista to hurry the heck up, community mailboxes. etc. The type of small talk we're talking about today, class, is the type that is meant to occur in only a few minutes. For example, you are walking out of the grocery store to your car and you happen to see someone you graduated with from high school. You are both carrying three large watermelons each. You have made eye contact, you've been asked a question and now must say something. What is it that you say??
SMALL TALK QUIZ
#1 How are the kids?
A- Gettin' big!
B- Well, Little Bill is in soccer and he always makes ALL of the goals. He also is in swimming and is probably on track to win the gold in the next Olympics. He lost his first tooth in September and I think he's about to lose another one pretty soon! Lookin' like a Jack-O-Lantern! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Little Earl loves to play with his cars, Star Wars figurines, trains, trucks, blocks, bike, pogo stick, skate board...
C- Growin' like weeds!
D- Either A or C
#2 Are you sick?
A- No, I am just gettin' over that stuff that was "going around". I'm not contagious anymore.
B- No, it's just allergies.
C- Yes! I have been hacking and hacking and hacking and hacking and blowing my nose and blowing my nose and blowing my nose for DAYS now! The doctor says I am very contagious and that I should probably stay home and drink lots of Gatorade, eat tons of Chicken Noodle Soup and stay far away from anyone that resembles a human... (must stop due to an uncontrollable coughing and sneezing fit that has left you drenched and covered in green goo)
D- Either A or B
#3 Don't you like this cool weather?
A- Sure do! We could really use some rain, though! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! You should see the bushes in the front yard! They scream out at me every time I go check the mail, "WATER ME, DADDY! WATER ME, DADDY! WATER ME, DADDY! WATER ME, DADDY! WATER ME, DADDY! WATER ME, DADDY!" By the time I sit back down on my big rump and catch up on who's got chuck roast on sale in the paper, I've already forgotten about those dern bushes. We haven't even started talking about the back yard and the way those crape myrtles moan and groan...
B- Yes! It was great getting our jackets back out again.
C- You betcha!! I drive around everywhere with the windows down.
D- Either B or C
#4 Did you see that game last night?
A- Yes! Wasn't that play at the end awesome?
B- ***************CRICKETS******************** (clears throat) *****************CRICKETS******************* (faints)
C- No, I didn't get to watch it. What happened?
D- Either A or C
#5 Are you going to vote today?
A- On my way!
B- You know it!
C- VOTE??? Are you kiddin' me??? My vote doesn't cay-yownt! I bet they'll count the votes hwrong eeenyway. 'member those "cha-yads" back in the Gore/Bush election?? "Swinging cha-yads", even??? I tell you what I feel like swinging- a bat at all them votin' booths! Nobody leestens to what I'm saying no way! What? They're all electronic now? Computers. Give me a break. I bet they go in and mess up our votes somehow or 'nother. No, no...votin' ain't ferrrr me! I'm going to sit RAHT here and watch the "PRAHS EES RAHT" all afternoon long, pard'ner, and I don't won'tchu geevin' me heck 'bout it neither!
D- Either A or B
If you didn't answers all D's, you may need to consider going in for some Official Small Talk Training that I will be offering at your local community center next month.
Lemme know if I should look for you.
Lemme know if I should look for you.
40 comments:
"I carried a WATERMELON?"
Dear Kelley,
Please consider teaching the other half of us how to NOT force someone into small talk.
I am that stranger who will engage you in conversation. Minus the Tweety Bird shirt, that is. I can't help myself, I find standing or sitting next to someone so terribly awkward when words are not spoken. The silence is deafening.
I need help. Please consider.
Thank you. : )
Once again another awesome post.
Turns out I'm great at small talk!
Well, except, when my husband has a case of gout due to his diet, and let me tell you he has been spending some time in the bathroom and that is no fun for any of us plus, the dog had adverse reactions to the drugs they gave him when they neutered him and he has just been howling all night long...
Ok. I guess I'm not so good at the small talk.
Great post!
Very well done, Kelley. I especially like #2D. That really is all people want to know when they ask if you're sick.
PS I'm waiting for you to play the Lying Game. Wink, wink. No pressure. :-)
xoRobyn
Your comments are cracking me up!! Just to clarify, I LOVE talking to people & could probably have a conversation with a complete stranger about any random topic for a long time...
I just love playing in the shallow end. Why do you think I stop by and comment on blogs. It's kind of a 'tag you're it' kinda thing that reveals nothing yet says....well...nothing. Which is exactly what I am doing here.
Yes, yes, and yes. I don't really want answers to any of those questions if I ask. It is even fine with me if you say you got get home to drunk up those watermelons. I have better things to do with my time too.
I like small talk - as in how small my feet are - they are a perfect size 6, and my ears- have you seen my delicate petite ears?? Now the diamond on my ring, although small, is worth so much more to me, and I WISH I had a smaller car, but you know, three kids and all... I AM still small though - OH! that is not what you meant, sorry - I FAIL. But then this is why we blog, right?
I am a southerner and can out small talk anyone, anywhere! I think it is in our iced tea.
I'm the annoying one in the Tweety Bird shirt.
::sigh::
I don't understand. Why isn't talking about the watermelons an option? "I think my melons are bigger than yours" would be a nice little ice-breaker.
Sign me up! I failed. I can talk to any stranger anywhere and it drives my kids nuts. My arm would have to fall off with the wayermelons before I'd leave the conversation. Of course If you are a professional big talker your muscles have developed to the point where you could stand for hours while holding a child, an entire carts' worth of groceries in plastic bags, or a rhino while silently giggling at the small talker shuffling side to side with the weight of a bread bag. It's like a game to see who caves first.
I passed!!! Yay me!
The answer to every question is "run away while flapping hands and screaming."
Yes it is.
I'm a total small talker. Can't stand in line and not engage. I'm also a comment junkie, can't read a blog without leaving some kind of comment.
I don't know, maybe I need intervention.
Would you rather A) want someone to leave a comment on your post or B) Just read your post and move on without leaving a comment.
So what is it, A or B?
what's it g
People who are socially awkward are THE worst! I had to work with one once, and that was rough. usually the ones you run into are out in public somewhere and you have a weird encounter, but then they're gone. Try having a weirdo hanging out just outside your office door, staring because she doesn't know how to come in and start a conversation.
These comments are seriously making me laugh out loud!! I just have to address Saimi's on here really quickly. I DO consider myself a fairly good small talker, not just a socially awkward one like in the examples above. I have definitely been a part of awkward conversations before, however, like we all have... You asked about comments. I agree with you! I feel bad reading a blog & not commenting on it. I probably comment on 90% of blogs I read. I respect the lurkers, though. Sometimes people just want to read in peace. *sigh*
Being a good Southern girl, I can make small talk like a champ & serve you pie at the same time.
It's not only lack of talking that makes for uncomfortable social situations. Try being in a group of people where one or more have no filter. They either don't think about what they ay or care who's around.
I need the class. People usually aren't amused by my midget comments.
I usually just show people my boobs.
Small talk or ingesting lethal toxins...small talk or ingesting lethal toxins...
Still thinking, I'll get back to you with my answer just as soon as I've ingested some lethal toxins.
Oh the irony of it all. Just this afternoon, I was in a checkout line at Target with a cart full of things. A man walked up behind me holding two items, so I told him to go ahead of me. He did, and he reciprocated with a thank you, and a comment about our joint interest in sports. How did he know? We were both wearing hats of our hometown teams, which happened to be different. And so, the next minute or two was full of small talk.
Yes.....I voted.
Yes, please look for me at that seminar. Not that I'm socially awkward. I'm just an over-sharer. The kind who can't stop talking. Like she's been handcuffed to a toddler for two years.
"Cha-yads" - hilarious.
Nothing beat a dirty dancing reference. I'm a tweener sometimes I talk othertimes I feel it's overrated. Good quiz, perhaps Vanity or Glamour would be interested in publishing.
Is this available in a format that could be perhaps stapled to one's forehead for distribution to the people that always answer with some version of "C"?
I hate small talk...I can do it, and do it pretty well. Although my husband says my ex-lawyer traits come out and I sound like an interrogator. :)
I'm not a small-talker. It's *crickets* or get down to business. Or, hermit-like avoidance.
(You are one funny lady, BTW.)
I am terribly self-conscious and socially awkward, so while I found this quite humorous, (the comments, as well are especially funny,) it also rang of an uncomfortable truth. The last couple of years I've done my best to combat my unease with social situations by spending more time engaging in small-talk and being more socially minded. It seems like it helps, some, but many days are still a social FAIL. (Much like this comment... and to end it with something totally banal: ...) Thanks for publishing this, I enjoyed reading it :)
Going with the watermelon example, I'd say, "I carried a watermelon," and then I'd pray that they got the dirty dancing reference.
Was 5C written after listening to my North Dakota cousins?
Funny post, Madame Break Room.
I hate small talk. Which is the beauty of blogging- you can just launch right into the good stuff.
Small Talk should be a required course in college though most professors I know are horrid at it. I see a career for you! I'm pretty sure the voting conversation was an actual transcript from an exchange I had this am.
I think most of mine were A's, which is strange because I have never gotten straight A's.
I only small talk to avoid awkward pauses. I am not sure what that means. Interesting and funny post nonetheless.
I can do small talk. I have always been a get in, get out kind of person. To a fault I think. My biggest problem is never knowing when someone actually wants to have a REAL conversation.
Heeeeeeeelarious. I love the voting one ... those are the people I get stuck with in the voting line for 45 minutes! I can usually small talk with the best until the other day when a mom told me her son was reading Jack & Annie books when he was 2! Uhgg, I hate uncomfortable silences...
You are AWESOME!! I am laughing out loud. However, I AM sick and sound dying squeaky toy.
I could write a book - not a very good book - about people who don't know how to make the gracious getaway...
"so...thanks so much for swinging by....I won't keep you..."
= that was your cue to leave you FREAKING WEIRDO...GET OUT OF MY OFFICE NOW....
Hmm making appropriate and relevant comments to people you are forced to be in a social situation in OR yelling out personal details to anyone within earshot...just take a wild guess what kind of gal I am?
Me, strangers, and small talk happen way too frequently. Key word strange(rs) though. I'm a magnet for the oddest people sometimes.
I am the Queen of Don't Make Eye Contact, but I am signing my mother up for your class. I'm so thankful that gene was recessive. I would consider the class a Christmas present, but I don't think she'd make it in time, she'll still be chatting up the checker at Best Buy on Black Friday.
Post a Comment
Comments make me feel like I'm not talking to the wall. Don't get me wrong. I love talking to walls. Some of my best friends are walls. Still, I like hearing from you, so thanks!