If you don’t know Tarja from “The Flying Chalupa” yet, you will definitely want to “meet” her
by visiting her fun blog (click here
)! Her blog always makes me laugh! She is a very creative writer and lots of fun! I am so excited that they decided to stop by the break room. Tarja, you ready, you ready? Yay!!!!!!
THE SPOUSAL STINK-EYE. OR HOW GENIUS IS BORN.
First, let me say thank you to Kelley for giving me the keys to her Break Room. What a great escape!
There are no whiny toddlers, the posts are neatly archived in their bins and the virtual Coke machine gives you free Coke when you jam it with virtual pirate treasure coins. (Kelley, you might want to call the virtual repair man, but in my defense, the Facebook Badge made me do it.)
Also? The adorable Twitter bird on the sidebar keeps singing that Bob Marley song “Three Little Birds (Tweet the Heck Out of This Post)” – I love that song!
Anyway, I really should be doing whatever it is that Stay-At-Home-Moms do, but instead I’m going to tell you about why I’m a genius. And how that genius came to be.
When my son was ten months old (you in the back, pay attention), I decided it was time to start slowly putting words together again. I was going to re-engage in society! Maybe even use several-syllable words! Because once, long ago, I not only knew how to speak English – but I could write it too.
Was articulation lost forever? Pureed along with the pears in the baby food blender? Dumped out with the dumps in the Diaper Genie? The answer was ‘no’ – but the only words that came to me were “suffocating” and “Nestle Toll House Chocolate Chip Cookies.”
My sister suggested a blog and I jumped at that life-raft with all the zest of a sleep-deprived sailor shipwrecked on the isolated island of Who’s This Kid & How Did I Get Here & Why Does My Mother Live In A Different State?
It was like a Sandals Resort. But operated by the Navy Seals.
The blog was the first step to making people believe that I was a woman who showered. And it needed a name.
The Diaper Diaries?
Carrots & Peas?
A Playground Affair?
I ran them dutifully past my husband, who evaluated each and every one with the careful analysis of “Whatever.”
But the crazy part of me – which I’d say is at least 77.2% – was dissatisfied with these selections. And so I started listening to the small voice that was whispering “What about The Flying Chalupa…do you have the cojones to do it? Huh? Do you?” To which another voice said, “Shut up! I need to mull it over.”
And so I lay it before the husband for the The Great Mull of 2009. The response?
And the Raised Eyebrow [You’re-The-Craziest-Damn-Broad-I-Ever-Done-Met] Stink-Eye.
Which was all the confirmation I needed.
This is, in fact, the very method I use to determine which topics I should write about. If my husband think an idea is “interesting,” it is nixed. If my husband suggests an idea, it is politely considered and then it is nixed. If an idea is met with the stink eye? Jack pot.
It mean I’ve stumbled upon something outlandish and intriguing and flat-out crazy. Solid. Blogging. Gold.
Which isn’t to say that what I write is all solid gold. Sometimes it’s imitation estate-sale crap. The point is: it’s all about the stink-eye.
And now that we’re approaching winter, I need my husband’s input on that most sacred of traditions: THE HOLIDAY CARD. But will my theory hold true? Will the stink eye reveal a card that’s unique and humorous, yet classy? A card that distinguishes itself on your mantle by drop-kicking all those other cards with a karate chop of YULETIDE AWESOMENESS?
I think so. And what’s more? These options really convey the spirit of love and unity too.
Making Spirits Bright…With Spirits!
Oh, Holy Night! Check Out My Kid’s Sweater Vest.
Joyeux Noel! We Kind Of Speak French. Jealous?
Peace On Earth. Does My Smile Seem Strained?
Fa La La La La! My Family Is Better Than Yours.
Have A Holly Jolly Christmas! Our Closing Pitcher Was Better Than Yours.
Love & Joy! Our Dog Is Cuter Than Yours.
Dreaming Of A White Christmas…Enjoy Our Brag Letter!
Happy Hanukkah! Enjoy Our Son’s Photoshopped Smile!
Merry Kwanzaa! Yes. I’m Only Wearing One Earring.
Feliz Navidad! That’s Right. We’re Christmasing On a Beach. Losers.
Joy To The World, Co-Worker Of My Husband That I’ve Never Met!
Merry Christmas! Does My Belly Fat Make Me Look Fat?
‘Twas the Night Before Christmas….And If Santa Wraps One More Present They’ll Vomit
Despite the fact that we do not own a dog, celebrate Hanukkah or Kwanzaa, or have ever used Christmas as a verb involving an exotic locale, I’m fairly certain that one of these beauties will make my husband proud to say, “Yeah. I married her. Look at our spawn”.
Because stink eye = genius.