Unappreciated Ladies of Industry #2: Ms. Wal-Mart Greeter & Receipt Highlighter

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A little over a month ago, I introduced Ms. Salad Bar Stocker Lady via an Unappreciated Ladies of Industry song.  I love commercials like this one on the radio.  When I hear one, you better believe I am pulling over in order to give my complete attention to the song’s every last detail.  I don’t care if I am in the middle of an interstate at 5:30 p.m. in heavy traffic with an 18-wheeler on my hind-end, this lady needs to find the shoulder and pull over.

I have decided to make “Unappreciated Ladies of Industry” a regular, monthly feature here in the break room.  There are ladies that should be famous everywhere you look, are there not?  Most commercials find it most appropriate to salute the men, but, I, dear friends, feel it is time to give the women the respect they deserve.  It is 2010 after all.  Here she is…

I present…Unappreciated Ladies of Industry
(Unappreciated Ladies of Induuuuusstreeee-eeee)
Today we salute, YOU, Ms. Wal-Mart Greeter &
Receipt Highlighter
(Ms. Wal-Mart Greeter & Receipt HiiiiiIIIIIIghlighter!!!!!!!)
Each morning you adjust your nametag in the mirror, give your reflection a wink & head out to your spot in front of the large stuffed animal crane game with your marker clutched in your tightly closed hand
(Can I borrow some quarters?)
You see smiling, happy people holding hands as well as various odds and ends of humanity walk through those doors, some with squirming babies on their hips and others with no shoes at all, and dazzle them with your “have-a-good-shopping-trip-but-I’m-watching-you-like-a-hawk-don’t-you-see-this-highlighter-in-my-hand-don’t-be-playin-no-games” smile
(DON’T YOU GO BE STEALIN’ NOTHIN’!)
As your shift wears on, you begin seeing those same people on their way out of the store with baskets full of fake flowers, blenders, WD-40, T-shirts that say  “Things Friends Can No Longer Do Since Turning 50” and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of toilet paper and you confidently stand in their way
(You really, really, really tryin’ to get paa-aa-aaast MEhhhhhhhhhhhh???)
You were smiling when they walked through the door but you ain’t smilin’ anymore
(Somebody get me a new marker)
We know you’ve got a job to do and since you said such a hearty hello when we entered the wonderful world of Wal-Mart, we gladly show you our receipt, even if it takes us 15 minutes to find where we stuffed it after Lolene gave it to us at the cash register
(I promise I paid for those CD’s that just fell outta my sweater!)
So, crack open a new package of markers, Ms. Wal-Mart Greeter & Receipt Highlighter, and know that you are the REAL reason Wal-Mart customers love the store so well and
the shoplifters go to jail.
(Ms. Wal-Mart Greeter & Receipt Highlighter!!!!!!!!!!!)

***I just have to add that I truly do respect the positions & jobs of all people across the land.***

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