A little over a month ago, I introduced Ms. Salad Bar Stocker Lady via an Unappreciated Ladies of Industry song. I love commercials like this one on the radio. When I hear one, you better believe I am pulling over in order to give my complete attention to the song's every last detail. I don't care if I am in the middle of an interstate at 5:30 p.m. in heavy traffic with an 18-wheeler on my hind-end, this lady needs to find the shoulder and pull over.
I have decided to make "Unappreciated Ladies of Industry" a regular, monthly feature here in the break room. There are ladies that should be famous everywhere you look, are there not? Most commercials find it most appropriate to salute the men, but, I, dear friends, feel it is time to give the women the respect they deserve. It is 2010 after all. Here she is...
I present...Unappreciated Ladies of Industry
(Unappreciated Ladies of Induuuuusstreeee-eeee)
Today we salute, YOU, Ms. Wal-Mart Greeter &
Receipt Highlighter
(Ms. Wal-Mart Greeter & Receipt HiiiiiIIIIIIghlighter!!!!!!!)
Each morning you adjust your nametag in the mirror, give your reflection a wink & head out to your spot in front of the large stuffed animal crane game with your marker clutched in your tightly closed hand
(Can I borrow some quarters?)
You see smiling, happy people holding hands as well as various odds and ends of humanity walk through those doors, some with squirming babies on their hips and others with no shoes at all, and dazzle them with your "have-a-good-shopping-trip-but-I'm-watching-you-like-a-hawk-don't-you-see-this-highlighter-in-my-hand-don't-be-playin-no-games" smile
(DON'T YOU GO BE STEALIN' NOTHIN'!)
As your shift wears on, you begin seeing those same people on their way out of the store with baskets full of fake flowers, blenders, WD-40, T-shirts that say "Things Friends Can No Longer Do Since Turning 50" and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of toilet paper and you confidently stand in their way
(You really, really, really tryin' to get paa-aa-aaast MEhhhhhhhhhhhh???)
You were smiling when they walked through the door but you ain't smilin' anymore
(Somebody get me a new marker)
We know you've got a job to do and since you said such a hearty hello when we entered the wonderful world of Wal-Mart, we gladly show you our receipt, even if it takes us 15 minutes to find where we stuffed it after Lolene gave it to us at the cash register
(I promise I paid for those CD's that just fell outta my sweater!)
So, crack open a new package of markers, Ms. Wal-Mart Greeter & Receipt Highlighter, and know that you are the REAL reason Wal-Mart customers love the store so well and
the shoplifters go to jail.
the shoplifters go to jail.
(Ms. Wal-Mart Greeter & Receipt Highlighter!!!!!!!!!!!)
***I just have to add that I truly do respect the positions & jobs of all people across the land.***
37 comments:
oh, this rocks...love the idea of making this a regular feature! visiting from
http://mommetime.com/
happy Wednesday.
Hilarious! The Walmart greeters are so much more fierce and intimidating than the ones at Costco. At Costco, you get a smiley face on your receipt. At Walmart...not so much.
I...LOVE...THIS!!!!!
But you mustn't forget the fish-dipper, the tampon-stocker, and most of all...the (ta-da!) Customer Service Manager! (ahem)
LOVE this! My husband and I sing the Budweiser men of genius songs all the time! I am so making hime read this!!
You're awesomely talented, Kelley. Really, you are.
Just wave to the camera when you're the guest host of SNL, ok? I'll know it's meant for me. I love you (and this post), man.
Hells yeah! Real Women of Genius a MONTHLY GIFT IN MY INBOX! Oh, happy day! "Somebody get me a new marker" - bwahaha!
And I'm with you on stopping to listen to those commercials. Same with the Dos Esqis (sp??) Most Interesting Man in the World. Who, Kelley, WHO is the most interesting woman in the world???
Loved this! And, especially loved your very, very small disclaimer at the end. You are so PC!
Superbly creative. I will never look at those women the same way again, what with their smelly markers and their cheesy smiles. Thank you for that.
Hilarious! I think the next women you should highlight are the ones at Costco who put that big line through your receipt as you walk out the door. No. Not the same as the Walmart greeter. These fine ladies have to check the contents of your cart, and at Costco, they just throw everything in there. Really? You can really see in .1 second that my receipt matches the goods in my cart?
You're a creative genius! I'm going to ride your coat tails!
I have never met a friendly store greeter. It's like the title is supposed to be ironic.
I can actually hear the guy from the song! (Bring me quarters!) You YOU are the genius! I'm cracking up over this.
Hi Kelley!
Thanks for visiting my blog! I am so going to enjoy delving into yours as I get the time! I've really enjoyed the few I've already read. You're too fun! :)
Here I struggle day in and day out to write something fresh and you always find a way to do an ORIGINAL. Great stuff really - it sounds just like one of those commercials! W.C.C.
Good Stuff Kelley! You need to start youtubing this material. Thanks for stopping by this morning your comment was right on.
Love it!!
There is this little old ... I mean OLD gentleman who is the WM greeter here by me. He is just the nicest little guy. Always so pleasant and kind. I think he drinks.
Bwah ha ha! I'm almost crying I'm laughing so hard! I LOVE the Bud Light commercials! This is the best idea to do the women. I have a special place in my heart for Walmart, too (and by special, I mean the short-bus kind of special), so this struck a note with me (pun intended). Very cool. BTW, I Stumbled here from Liz's BlogFrog. :)
Very funny! Seriously though, I kind of envy this position now that I'm looking into re-entering the workforce. It's a pretty good gig.
Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. Had to do a bit of pay back...anyone who likes the occassional humorous blog is ok in my book. Love your parady on the beer commercial. Can't wait for more.
My WalMart greeter lady has painted on eyebrows and this vibrant red hair, a color so out of the shade spectrums, I have never seen anything like it on another human being before. Her name is Pam and Pam hates me with every fibre of her being. I have this audacity to put carts back that thump instead of moving fluidly. There are a lot of thumping carts at WalMart and Pam is one bitter soul. She should find another line of work that doesn't involve greeting people and monitoring carts.
This so classic!!! That is well deserving of a Cleo award. You are truly a madwoman. haha
Love it!! For a while I become very well acquainted with my Walmart greeter b/c a new purse I got for my bday kept setting off the security alarm. I'd get the once over nearly everyday, until a kind walmart shopper clued me in to the likely problem and told me how to deactivate it. Not that visiting Walmart is any more pleasant now.... ;0)
You crack me up....I left an award for you on my blog...I never accepted mine from you but it's explained on my blog...I actually just like recognizing blogs I love on my blog! :-) ~Kimberly
I enjoy reading your blog and want to pass forward the Lovely Blog award to you. Please see my recent posting for details:
http://mommetime.com/2010/09/25/one-lovely-blog-award.aspx
I love the real men of genius commercials, but your real women is even better!
Ha! I love this! We have a male Walmart greeter at our local one, who takes his job very seriously. And he has a very loud, booming voice, so you can hear his "Welcome to Walmart!", all across the store.
This is great, and the video gave me a good morning laugh. I HATE, HATE, HATE that I have to keep track of my receipt between check-out and departure. I never seem to find it by the time I get to the door, and highlighter lady plus all the folks behind me get really pissed. Kinda makes me worry for my life.
xoRobyn
Three words: I LOVE THIS!
Truth be told, I'm a little annoyed that I didn't think of this. lol Stumbled your post and following you now via GFC.
Kristi, Live and Love...Out Loud
@TweetingMama
I think it's quite possible that everybody that works at Wal-Mart hates their job! This is really funny!
is it weird that i can here the narrator guy saying all of this stuff as i read and then sing the little one liners thrown in the middle of the commercial in true 80's soft rock band fashion?
lol I agree with what other people said about the Costco ladies. I'm kind of a grump so I always resent the fact that they hold me prisoner in the store until they can run their marker all over my receipt. Especially when there is a huge line to get out and I know full well that I paid for everything. I think it's a violation of human rights.
OH. MAH...this is so hilarious! Must be WalMart dust in the air or something. I wrote a post too about how much I loathe that place that I like to dub satan's a-hole.
Poor WalMart highlighter lady
You seriously need to listen to the song by a comedy group called Bean & Bailey that is called "Walmart Greeter" It is seriously hilarious! Love this post (as usual!)
LOL So funny!! I'm stopping by from SITS!
The Costco highlighter police drive me nuts. The place is like Fort Knox to get in and out of, and my pants fit way to tight to sneak anything down my crack to steal, so just what is the point - they don't really read the receipt anyway!
~Bliss~
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Comments make me feel like I'm not talking to the wall. Don't get me wrong. I love talking to walls. Some of my best friends are walls. Still, I like hearing from you, so thanks!