Before I recognize some nice awards fellow bloggers have passed my way recently, I’d like to add an awkward spot to my growing list of locations
where it is sometimes uncomfortable to have or listen to a conversation about vegetation, lactation, celebrations, mutations, salutations, standing ovations or upcoming vacations (I really want to continue that but I know it was waaaay annoying).
I have covered awkward spots before, such as in elevators
and Japanese restaurants
, but I failed to add one very important location: gym showers. The reason I did not include this one before is because I had never been in one until recently (exercising STINKS!).
|Offered at a YMCA near you.
On Fridays, I have little time between my exercise class and my little dude’s Gymboree class. Unless I want to knock “Gymbo” and the merrily singing Gymboree teacher who loves to belt out “cleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaan uuuuuuup”, “camping, camping, we’re going caaaammpppppinnng” and “puuuuuuut theeeeeeee baaaaaaaallllllls awwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy” sung like an Opera singer/Broadway star/ain’t-gettin’-no-yella-ticket-on-American-Idol-lady down with my sweaty stench, I have to take a shower at the gym….near the water aerobics ladies. (Man, I really want to do a split leap right now & maybe I DO want to knock that teacher down, now that I am really thinking about it. No shower next time for me!)
Two of those water aerobics wonders are ladies who I’m calling “Nadine” & “Flo”. The other day the happy pair was emerging from their underwater leg lifting power session and having a very dynamic
conversation regarding cats. This conversation did not skip a beat even when Nadine was getting ready for her shower. I am pretty sure Flo was wishing Nadine would take a hike, but I doubt Nadine wants to hike in her bathing suit and flip flops…without her sunglasses and floppy hat! Insensitive Flo. Seriously, though, Nadine, I know you don’t want anyone or anything getting in the way of your conversation about cats and whatnot, but for the love of all things that taste like Pepto Bismol, let Flo wash her mop and pits in peace. Can’t that cat talk wait a dang second? Because that was something I only thought and didn’t voice as I took a shower in the adjacent stall, Nadine started up a conversation with Flo that went a little something like this:
|I’m pretty sure Nadine & Flo were already headed to the women’s locker room when this was taken.
Nadine [who is not in the shower but is standing RIGHT outside of Flo’s thin shower curtain]: SO, YOU STILL HAVE THAT CAY-YAT? (And, yes, she was yelling)
Flo: Fdalufawefknadfja;ldfjslkfj [she was talking with water falling on her face, so I missed the first part] I want to get reeed ah eeet som’n turrble. That cat just pees all over mah rugs, my moo-moo, my everthang! But, nobody wants no ode cat, so I’m stuck with eem. You want eem?
Nadine: Now, Flo, you know I got bay-yad cat arrgies. I’mma sneezin’ soon as I get out tha car when I go veesit ya. ‘Sides Bee-yill’s deathly uh-ergic to eem and would tan mah hide I bring your cat to my hay-youse. And what would I do with a ode cat that needs dahpers?
Flo: Well, I don’t know Nadine. What am I supposed to do with a cat in dahpers?? That’s two of us in dahpers! And when my gray-yenkids come over, that’s three uh us in dahpers! It’s ’bout tu drive me uppa wa!
*Thee-yis weeent own kwot a wall*
(“This went on quite a while” for those who don’t speak Southern jibberish. The whole transcript can be translated for a small fee. Also, I made up the part about the diapers. Flo WAS probably thinking those very words, however. Mark my words, sister. And, really, I loved listening to them talk.)
I’ve never really gotten people’s commitments to their cats. Some of them are so blasted mean! A friend of mine (and if you’re reading, feel free to reveal yourself!) had a cat who was angry with her and decided to pee on all of her gym clothes. My friend didn’t realize it (maybe she was in a rush?) until she was already at the gym. While she was perched on top of her exercise bike going 90 to nothin’, a cute guy gets on the bike beside her and starts sniffing in her direction trying to figure out the source of that horrid stench. My friend mimicked his actions as if she was just as perplexed. Haaaaaaaaa!!!!!!! That cracked me up when she told me and cracks me up now. Dang cat.
I received three awards in the last couple of weeks from some super nice bloggers and I am so grateful! Nichole from “Happily Ever After again”
gave me the “Sweet Friends Award”, “Mom Me Time”
gave me the “One Lovely Blog Award” and Kimberly from “The Stinker Pinkers”
gave me the “Bloggy Love” Award. All of them write very uplifting blogs that make me smile and help me feel rejuvenated.
With these awards comes lots of rules, including passing them on to many fellow bloggers and telling you all things about myself. I thought I’d alter the rules a bit… I would love to just tell you about a few blogs that I really enjoy reading that have either not been blogging for a long time and/or deserve more followers. Along with the blogs above, you will be happy you stopped by these five below. Give them a virtual high five and a big hug, would ye?
by Andy Blythe