TOP 5 REASONS FOR MY GYM ANXIETY

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Today was my first day to the gym.  It felt like the first day of school.  I just knew that my flab would get caught in the door when I tried to enter.  The management would have to gather around me & spray WD-40 to free me from my humiliation.  Thankfully, the management did not have to get involved.  An old lady on her way to swim happened to have a can.  Starting my morning off wedged between the door just spiked my anxiety for other things, including the:

  1. KIDS’ AREA-
  • I felt like I might as well have been dropping my 2-year-old son into a the pit of a volcano. I didn’t know these people. I wasn’t positive how hot they’d make that room when I left. How did I know that the toy chest didn’t contain glass shards, razors & machetes? On top of that, what type of activities were available for the children?  Would they teach him to speak Cantonese, write in Urdu, make swans out of thin pieces of paper and how to paint with water colors using only his toes like I do at home?
  • DUMB BELLS-
    • Great name.  I was nervous that I’d accidently let go of my .5 pound weight during the class & hit the instructor in the eye.  Actually, maybe I should’ve done that.  I could’ve made it where it hit her LEFT eye & then stood on her left side during the class.  She wouldn’t have seen me every time I only did 4 repetitions instead of 15 or refused to lift my feet off the ground during crunches.
  • MIRROR IN THE EXERCISE ROOM-
    • This interfered with a couple of things, including:
      • My fort-building from the yoga/exercise mats.  Every time I tried to duck into my fort to escape her relentless repetitions, she’d see me;
      • My self-image.  Did they buy that mirror from a carnival “fun house” garage sale?
  • WINDING STAIRCASE-
    • Leading from the first floor to the sea of elliptical machines & treadmills on the second floor is a winding staircase. Although I know people are absorbed in their own calorie-burning worlds & not watching me, I felt like a flabby, gym rookie on display. As if it wasn’t bad enough trying to move my tree trunks up each step without tripping, once I made it to the top my indecision, despair & inexperience was obvious to anyone watching. WHERE DO I GO?? WHAT’S AN ELLIPTICAL?!?! AHHHH!!!
  • TREADMILL-
    • I am quite sure I was walking a fine line between walking too stinkin’ fast and running.  Was I really supposed to be walking at that blasted speed? 
    • Was I annoying the girl next to me because I kept looking in her direction to watch the Bravo channel her TV was set on?  “Top Master Chefs” was much more interesting than the stock market coverage on CNBC on my TV.  It was much more fun to see critics spew venom over the chutney not being flavorful enough than to hear about Dow Jones.

    My anxiety is down now.  I made it out the door without using WD-40 (I covered myself in Vaseline before leaving), so that helped.  I guess I will return later this week.  I will just make sure I bust out that Vaseline again, will have a camera attached to my son’s pacifier, make sure one side of my yoga/exercise is mat covered with a mirror of some sort & come equipped with my arsenal of weapons to ensure I get my treadmill of choice.  I just love the gym.

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