Could you use a megaphone next time?

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During my last post, I got all serious on you.  I can do that from time to time.  But this post, girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrls (and boys!), I’m lettin’ it out!  Make some room!  Make some room! 

I want to share a story about something that happened to be yesterday, my friends (and my Dad!  Can I get a ‘what? what?’).  I don’t know what that last bit within the parentheses meant exactly.  I know I’ve heard it before and liked the way it sounded.  Just let me say it, even though it doesn’t make sense, alright?  I like to act like I am all tough from time to time as well.  I go from silly, to serious, to tough, to Target and back to silly again.  The story I want to share has to do with my hearing.  Before I let you laugh AT me, know that I do not want to offend anyone out there who also has a hearing loss.  I like to laugh at myself but that does not mean I would be laughing at you (while you are facing me), okay?  Also, in my line of work (that I do a few hours a week), it is important to hear well.  In quiet, one-on-one settings (with fierce, over-exaggerated lip movements, subtitles blasted across your forehead, a megaphone on your mouth and gargantuan hearing aids in both ears with hearing aids on top of those), I can hear well.  So, please do not hesitate to seek my professional opinion or services.  My story, my story…I’m getting there…

I was testing a precious little three-year-old girl today.  At one point, I asked her what she was learning in her preschool.  She told me she was learning about PARENTS.

Parents, huh?  Oh, my!  Parents are great, aren’t they?  Parents DO understand.  Don’t listen to Will Smith!  You don’t know Will?  Anyway, I am a parent myself and I HAVE parents and they have parents.  Some people have 2 sets of parents…

Sweet little girl: I said PARIS.

Paris!  Oh my goodness!  I am SOOO sorry about that misunderstanding.  I just LOVE Paris!  The only place I have been to outside of North America was Paris.  My husband took me there in April 1999.  It was wonderful!  We had a hideous lamp shaped like the Eiffel tower for a while.  The Eiffel tower…  Did you know that when I went up that tower for the first time I had a stomach virus?  I was crouched in the corner of the elevator as it made it’s ascent to the top…

Sweet little girl’s mom: E…Ex…Excuse me, miss.  She said PARROTS.

“Well, don’t I feel dumb!  Knock me over the head, why don’t you?  Someone is going a little cuckoo, huh?  Cuckoo!  Cuckoo!  That’s me!  One big cuckoo-head!  Wow!  Okay, parrots.  I think PARROTS are a more appropriate topic for children to learn about.  I was really snoring when she said “parents” and then I thought “Paris” was so random.  What about America?  I’m PROUD to be an American where I least I know I’m free, right?  Call me Mrs. Greenwood!  And I won’t forget the men who died and gave that right to me [I’m standing at this point with my hand over my heart and violently swaying back and forth with my eyes closed and my mouth gaping open as I belt out the words].  Wow, look at me go.  I just love America, but I also love parrots.  I always wanted one but we got parakeets instead.  A family friend kicked one over once and gave it a heart attack.  Poor little thing died.  Hello!  Hello! [mocking a parrot’s voice while bobbing my head forward quickly like a big, talking, colorful bird].  Polly want a cracker?  Polly want a cracker?  Hello!  Hello! [imagine me heartily laughing at my horrible im-bird-anation while Sweet Little Girl’s Mom blankly stares at me].

Sweet little girl’s mom: PIRATES.  She said pirates.  Like “Ahoy, mates!”

Oh.

I called my sister to tell her what happened today and just kept giggling over it.  Parents- Paris- parrots- pirates.  Hahahahahaha!!!  I hope you all know that I am exaggerating about the things I said in response to the word updates.  I don’t think that I actually said “Polly, want a cracker?” but everything else is pretty much verbatim (wink, wink).  These situations don’t happen to me ALL the time, but when they do, I get a smile out of it [I’m standing looking at you with a plastered smile on my face that is beginning to….here it goes…quiver….it’s quivering….eyes are filling up with tears…WAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!].  In my defense, the little girl DID have trouble saying the word, which is why she was seeing me in the first place [feeling better…wiping the tears…playing it off & acting like the outburst was over Felicity being canned all those years ago…it still really affects me deeply].

Don’t you wish you I was at your slumber party when you were playing “Telephone“?  I would have torn that mess up!

*The picture of those groovy parents are from www.grinningplanet.com.
*The picture of the Eiffel tower is from www.opticianonline.net/blogs/big-optometry-blog/eiffel-tower-picture.jpg.
*The parrot is from http://www.thecomingwave.com/parrot/leavesandparrot-flipped.gif or Bill’s Parrot.
*That pirate is from http://www.kelleysbreakroomblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/pirate63.gif.

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