Our cantankerous office chair

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I am sitting in a kitchen chair that I carried to the study because I broke our actual “study chair” today. Broke it. All I did was sit in it and then…crack.
It broke. This is rather ironic as I just joined a gym yesterday. I am pretty sure I heard the chair yell as his legs gave out, “I couldn’t take it anymore! I told you to lay off the Easter candy!!!!!” I tried showing him my glistening, shiny gym card, but he turned away in disgust. My new, unused gym card came a bit too late for that stuffy, leathery, cantankerous chair. His bad attitude happened to be contagious, as you can see from the picture on the right. My oldest son will probably really become cantankerous (I love that word) when I tell him we can’t make the broken geezer a 7th chair in our breakfast room. Given my new interest in exercising, maybe next time I am on the computer I’ll just do that pose where it looks like I am sitting in a chair. My plan will be to burn crazy calories while typing crazy posts. Actually, the reality would be that my blog posts would look like this: “Hello ev…” You wouldn’t be able to see from your side of the screen, but I’ll be passed out on the floor due to energy I had to expend to type out those few letters in that ridiculous exercise position. Exercising bites and I don’t want to do it. I know when I arrive for my first class, everyone will turn my way and snicker.

Did somebody say Snickers?

Today I am going to comment on the comments. I just feel they need addressing riiiiiiiiiiiiiight…you guessed it….NAH-YOW.

From “Well, isn’t that funny” by Annie Anonymous: “This level of hearing loss would be tragic in anyone else but you make it so dang hilarious! I love your hearing loss and your perspective on it. I could not stop laughing (OUT LOUD), once again!”
***My dear friend, Annie, I can always count on you to laugh OUT LOUD at me. I distinctly remember you laughing OUT LOUD at a sincere prayer I uttered once. I truly am grateful for such an honest friend. Now, I am going to curl up in a corner and sob. Before I do that, can you reveal your identity? Can you reveal your identity? Can you reveal your identity? Can you reveal your identity? I’m not pestering you, am I?

From “Well, isn’t that funny” by E-Money or E-Foodstamp (due to “the way things are going”): “Don’t you hate it when the oven goes off and you go to answer the door! I hate when that happens!”
***Why, yes I do, E-Moneh! Actually, I miss the door sometimes if they ring the doorbell and, as you know, I miss the oven. So, you see, I have then burned the food and missed the pizza delivery guy. I shouldn’t need the gym with this record. By the way, I am LIKING the name E-Money. Verrrrrrrrrrry nice.

From “A Day in the Life” by Anonymous-bout-to-get-whooped:
“OH MY GOSH NELLEY!! Does Chris know you are typing all day. Girl you have too much time on your hands. I just found out you had a blog and thought boy that girl is neglecting those two youngsters. Oh, I forgot. This girl b from P-T. It’s all good. I will have to give Chris the 411 about your new hobby. With all that free time I’m sure he will have to schedule another day to work. It has been a long time since I have seen you and had to give you a hard time. Girl, I remember how your apartment was when you were in college. Don’t you think instead of reading this you should be cleaning your house. Your neighbors might stop by or something??
Peace – Out!

***Mmm, mmm, mmm. Where do I start? Just so you all know, Anonymous-bout-to-get-whooped (ABTGW) is my BFF’s husband. Mari has been my (apprentice) friend since the fourth grade. We were also college roommates. So, there’s the background. Now, on to addressing this comment… ABTGW! Because I have an obligation to answer to you, know that I always blog after my boys go to sleep. I put them to bed for the night at 3:30 in the afternoon. So, see? No neglect going on here! Seriously, I am always doing this when it is LATE. By this time of the night, my house has already been cleaned. We actually just eat dinner right off the floor. I’d rather mop than do dishes.

From “Meeting in the Breakroom” by Rusty and Jennifer:
“I want a raise.”
***
It’s in the mail!! Jennifer has a very thoughtful, inspiring blog that I love to read. If I hadn’t dropped out of ____ing school, I would know how to link “Rusty and Jennifer” to her blog. You’ll see her name in the “Employees of the Month” column on the right.

Mari, we will have to discuss some of the nutty things you wrote off-line, but I DO have to address this one from “Mushy Alert! Mushy Alert!” by Marinonymous: “Kelley, you are wearing Tammy’s dress and my scarf in that picture. What if she finds this blog? Remember that time when I borrowed a dress from her closet wo her knowing and I put it back wo washing it and the underarms smelled like smelly armpits and she asked me if I wore it and I was so embarrassed that I told her I didn’t and she thought it was you?”***Hahahahahahahaha…..hahahaha….ha? Mari! I never knew that story! I never knew you did that. That means that every time she saw me after you pulled that mess, she thought I stunk up her dress. I’m still laughing, but only because it was so long ago! I hope she DOES find this blog now, you stinky, I mean, sneaky, thing!

From “Mushy Alert! Mushy Alert!” by Olivianonymous: “I just want to know were you get all the funny pictures – not the ones of you and chris – but the other random pics – I mean it is one thing to admit all that stuff is in your cotton pickin’ head, but how do you find pictures to go along with your randomness??… that cracks me up – but that is not too hard to do when it comes to little ms nettles! love ya! (Man Chris looks young in these! We, of course, don’t look at all older – just wiser!)”
***Many times those pictures just find me, Olivia. They just find me. Actually, it’s an ancient Chinese secret. And I totally agree Chris looks like a young little squirt! That was…hmmm…15 years ago! Wow. Where’s my hair dye?

I love reading your comments and I appreciate them! I am now going to figure out just how to handle getting rid of that office chair. Do I lug it to the local Dumpster? Maybe I could even take it to the local recycling bin (Does that say no plastic? Does it say anything about leather? DUMP!). The easiest thing, of course, is just to dump it in a neighbor’s trash stash on Saturday morning. I can’t have Waste Management thinking I deposit huge pieces of furniture in my morning trash. Our trash is always so neat and tidy. [Okay, yes, that is our trash can to the left. Get the poor thing a huge dose of Pepto Bismol…..but, save a little for me. Mmmmmm.] No, I’ll just get up extra early Saturday morning and roll that sucker to the neighbor’s house at the end of the street and high-tail it back home. I’m into exercise now anyway.

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