Meeting in the Breakroom

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Let me first just say…there are no more ants anywhere in this house. I can hear my mom saying after that last post, “Kelley! You wrote about ANTS in your KITCHEN? People are going to think you are dirty!” I am dirty. Incredibly. I haven’t taken a bath in weeks. People mistake the ring around my neck for a brown necklace. My hair is so greasy it looks like I just got out of the shower all day. People cough on the cloud of dust I leave behind as I walk. But the one thing I am not is a safe haven provider for ants. Those suckers are DAYD. They are DAYD & GOHN. I wish someone would get it through my 2-year-old’s brown-curly-locked head that there are no more ants. The poor thing keeps seeing dark things on the ground & saying “Ants! Ants! Ants! Seeeeeeeee? Ants!” I get down on his eye level, smooth his brown locks with my hands and reassure him in my best, soft, mommy-is-here-for-you voice that I took care of those dang ants. “Those are just hissing cockroaches and flying termites, honey”, I tell him. That seems to provide him with temporary relief.

Breakrooms are usually used for breaks but today we are using it for a meeting. Don’t get all bent out of shape, ‘mmmmmkay? The conference room was being used for a baby shower. I know it is crowded in here. Yes, someone can sit on top of the trash can. Please, everyone crowd in & make room for the people coming in through the door. Okay, this meeting will be quick. I just want to talk about a couple of housekeeping items, which are nametags & clocking in. As the janitor of this blog (See my title to the right? And, yes, I used to work on The Carol Burnett Show), I am responsible for making sure the machine where you clock in is all shiny & clean. Here’s the deal: it’s terribly shiny & clean. Only 4 of my co-workers (look at the right hand column) are clocking in, which is a small percentage of the people coming to this breakroom. Now, I have my ways of knowing how many people come through this breakroom to grab a bite of this & a drink of that regularly. So, I wanted to take this opportunity to encourage you to become an official co-worker. Our little company would love to see your face, know your name & hear your opinions about this blog. One of your opinions may be that my blog needs to have a theme. I need to type about this, that and the other and have a unifying THEME. Maybe I’ll come up with one. We’ll see… (My mom ALWAYS said “we’ll see”, which meant…get lost, child). If you feel your responsibilities are too many & you just don’t have time to stop to clock in (or want to remain anonymous), that is absolutely fine. If you want a theme & will not get your picture taken for your name badge until I come up with a theme, that is absolutely fine. In both cases, you will still get paid.

The word “blog” is seriously ugly. When I refer to the “blog”, I wish I could call it something else. The word “blog” brings to mind other words like bloated (Ewww!! I don’t like it when someone says “I am so BLOATED!”), hog and blob. “Chris, could you wash the clothes, dry the clothes, fold the clothes, make dinner, clean up dinner & give the boys a bath, so I can work on my ________?” Can’t some other word go in that blank? I’ll tell you some words: abs, closet, tan, sock drawer, etc. That’s what he’s probably thinking. “Get off the stinkin’ blog & organize this house, lady!” We’ll see…

Sorry this post was all business.

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