IBS ain’t just for people

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Do you remember the awful story about Jessica McClure falling down a well in Midland, Texas in October 1987? She was caught in that well for 58 hours as workers frantically tried to free her. Her mother was not sure if she would come out in one piece? Last night I possessed a similar sense of horror…over my onion skins. Those stinkin’ onion skins were caught in the deep dark recesses of the PVC pipes under the kitchen sink and were begging to be rescued. Would I ever get them out??? Without a thought for my own safety, I tossed everything out from under the sink, started twisting and turning PVC pipes with all of my strength until…at last…the putrid water sprung forth and my darling onion skins fell into my hands. Relief!! They had been caught in those BIG, DARK pipes for MINUTES!! They cried, I cried. Onions don’t usually bring tears to my eyes, but this time they did. I really should have some type of agency examine the care I give to my food. Several of my food friends have been suspended in between the world of the kitchen light and my forceful, angry, unrelenting hand and the sewage (isn’t that where they go??). So many times I have had to play Mrs. McClure and rescue the suckers. Shouldn’t a garbage disposal be able to take it like a man? Maybe my garbage disposal has IBS. It just can’t take much before I have to be the hero. It seems everything does him in- onion skins, meat, potato peelings, old nails, shards of glass… After I finished with my plumbing duties, I needed to vacuum the dishwasher detergent that was covering some of the cabinet under the sink. I remember looking at my vacuum like it was an idiot when it could hardly suck up the powder. It was POWDER, people! I wasn’t asking it to suck up old batteries! I have my garbage disposal for that. When it finally began eating the dinner I had set out for him, I immediately noticed a white powder filling the air. A vacuum with IBS, too?? Unheard of! It wasn’t until I was in the doctor’s office with my sick appliances that Chris informed me he just hadn’t put a bag back into the vacuum cleaner the last time he used it. Communication could be better around here.

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