Well, isn’t that funny.

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What is UP?? Do you like the breakroom’s new wallpaper? I am telling YOU, that other wall paper took sooooo long to take down. We had to get the vinegar out, the scrapers, bottles of water to soften the wallpaper up, etc. It was SOMETHING ELSE (in my family, big problems are always “something else”). Ahhh!! Next time I am paying someone else to do it. Landon just didn’t work fast enough.

Soooooooo, I’m talking about music today. I just added a “playlist” to this ___. Just after you pass the Ladies Room and the copy machine, you’ll see it on the right. I really wanted to blast y’all with “Thriller” as soon as you opened up this ___, but I thought it might not be nice. You wouldn’t have been expecting it. What if your computer’s volume was too loud?? What if you are at work and people suddenly hear MJ busting out with “THRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLER!!!” Anyway, if you want a little BEAT while you REAT, then push the “play” button on that playlist…NAH-YOW!

Whatcha want to talk about? Michael Jackson? In kindergarten, a little girl used to call my sister and ask, “Hey, whatcha wanna talk about?” Silence. “Michael Jackson?” Hahahaha!!! I’ve never asked my sister if she said yes or no to her friend’s question. She was in kindergarten in 1984-85. Let me Google & see what MJ was up to then. Give me a minute. Don’t you go anywhere. What was he up to?!?!?! Thriller came out that year & he was burned in a Pepsi ad. I guess those two little squirts were on the phone for a long time.

I love music, but I am not one of those people who pulls a really cool, obscure band out from behind my left knee cap. For one thing, they wouldn’t fit there. For a second thing, it would hurt like hiz-eck. For a THIRD and most IMPORTANT thing, I wouldn’t know what band to fit there. “Hey, has anyone heard of Maroon 5?” Hahaha..ha…….ha. No, I’m always the one “shakin’ my head like yeahhhh, movin’ my hips like yeahhhh” to a singer or band everyone already has known about for months. I put a few songs that came up on my iTunes in the playlist down below. You’ll see what I mean. You think I wouldn’t like music due to my horrid hearing and tendency to always get the lyrics wrong. I am sure to NOT to get them right when someone is around to hear & can say “WHAT DID YOU THINK THEY JUST SAID? HAHAHAHAHARHAHAHA!!!” (Please do me a favor. Everytime I have someone laughing in this post, please imagine Chris Farley in this clip: http:///

Here are two examples:

-In 7th grade, I thought I’d join in & sing “Tainted Love” with a girl who had it together more than me. As if I was trying to double-Dutch jump rope with someone, I counted my beats & came in at just the right time with “Changin’ love…touch me, baby…changin’ love” (I was probably even snapping & swaying. Moron). Girl-who-had-it-together: “What did you just say? Changing? HAHAHAHA!!! It’s tainted! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!” You know I didn’t know what “tainted” meant. This was at a time when there was no room for mistakes. You should’ve seen me. I couldn’t afford any social blunders with my hair looking the way it did.

-In college, I climbed into a car who was blasting Nine Inch Nails’ (ewww) song “Terrible Lie”. Of course, I didn’t know the title or this problem wouldn’t have occurred. I started pointing at the big light in the car & started in with my best rock star impression with “TURN ON THE LIGHT!” Get a clue, Kelley! Get a stinkin’ clue!

There is a pattern here obviously. My hearing is shot and this is an established fact (see the post from February called “I heart subtitles”). I still think Chris thinks I am making it up. The truth was plain to see at our house tonight, though, when the oven was going “beeeeeeeeeep (get in here now, you old fart)……beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep (you old hag, come get your cookies!!)…………beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep (get some hearing aids and these DANG COOKIES!!!!!!)” and I didn’t hear it…at all. Chris: “YOU CAN’T HEAR THAT?? HAHAHAHAHA!! Wait… Raise your hand when you can hear it.” Kelley-who-can’t-hear: Pfffft (that’s my arbitrary hand-raising noise)……Pfffffft…..Pffffft……. Chris-who-probably-thinks-he-can-hear-dog-whistles: “HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! There was NO sound EVERY time you raised your hand!!!! AHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

I’m glad my hearing loss has provided so much entertainment. The relentless, heartless, cruel, merciless teasing really doesn’t bother me. I can still manage to “pump up the volume, pump up the volume, pump up the volume” and hear most of the words. I am so grateful for my hearing…whatever I have left. Without it, I wouldn’t be able to hear my sons’ laughter, their questions, my husband’s voice, my husband’s laughter (HAHAHAHAHA!!! YOU CAN’T HEAR!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!), music…or that sassy oven (when I am standing right in front of it).

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