I heart subtitles

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During the last post, I mentioned that I pray for my sons every night, like many parents do. I need to add another bullet point to my nightly prayer or put it in the rotation at least. I need to begin praying for my sons to have good hearing. So far it appears they both do unless I am asking Austin to do something he really doesn’t want to do and then it seems he morphs into Austin Keller. As for me, let’s be honest, I can’t hear a dang thing. I use subtitles when I watch TV, people. I wonder how much money my parents slipped Chris to take me and my shot ears off their hands. With me, it wasn’t only shot ears, it was also shot eyes (glasses, contacts…now I am post-LASIK) and shot teeth (braces). I’m not sure how long I have had a hearing loss. I know I passed the hearing screenings in elementary school (after slipping the nurse some cold hard cash) and made good grades, so I must’ve been hearing the teacher okay. Maybe I was already a master lip-reader.

In my Audiology class at UT in 1995, my professor sat me in “the room” to discuss my horrid hearing problem. He said I would very likely need hearing aids in the future. I said, “Hear this, man, I ain’t wearing no hearing aids!” I have since been told that by some other audiologists (and by my husband, son, parents, friends, neighbors, cousins, mailman, cashier, zoo keeper, dentist, guy from Terminix, Kiwi Carpet cleaning man, toll booth operator, the guy that loads the luggage onto the planes and receipt high-lighter at Wal-Mart). I actually should’ve known there was a problem way before all these nice people had to get involved. I should’ve known my ears were like a Maude’s, Pearl’s or Nadine’s when I was working at the snack bar at the local skating rink just last week (alright, alright…it was about 20 years ago). “What’s that you needed, Skateguard? A PayDay candybar? Back in a flash!” Bam, I laid that sucker down. He then said (probably as he was skating backwards with his figure 8 moves), “Uhhhhhh, excuse me? I said a BAND-AID!!” Waaaaaahhhh!! Stories like that are common with me. Still, the way I see it, as long as Austin’s ears work (he lets me know when the oven is beeping), as long as my friend Jennifer sits next to me when listening to anything important (she is my hearing-ear human) and as long as Chris stays married to me and continues to tolerate subtitles, I’ll continue to postpone the hearing aid bit. That would really interfere with my plans to buy a dining room table. Hearin’ aids are ‘spensive!

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